Lionhacks

I heard one of the most inspiring and insightful speeches of my life yesterday at GDC. So much of it, namely the end, was pure gold. I not only left having learned tons of lessons on how to better manage and build relationships, but with the internalization of his lessons which is something only a truly gifted speaker can do. The speech was from Brian Sharp, Lead Engineer at Bungie. It is easily one of the best speeches I have ever been had the pleasure of sitting in on. It stands even alongside that of Steve Job’s Stanford Commencement Speech. It was clear from the start that he was one of the most intelligent and gifted individuals I’ve been in the presence of. Feel free to skip to the bottom if you want to read a transcript of the ending of his speech. The title for his speech was “Concrete Practices to Be a Better Leader: Framing & Intention”. The takeaway was meant to be giving listeners concrete techniques to increase their awareness of frames, to use framing as a tool in more effective conversations, to increase their awareness of the intentions behind their actions and to sculpt that intention into a positive one that will make them & everyone around them happier. I left not only having learned many lessons on intention and framing that will be invaluable in management but also with a lasting emotion and connection with the speaker. He spoke with such truth and sincerity it was almost like poetry. His passion not only for his work but also for people came through in every word. The first half of the speech was more about techniques for framing various situations in and out of the workplace. The second half was about wisdom. A frame is a context, collection of assumptions and a perspective. And it’s important to recognize that every situation and statement we’ve ever heard has a frame. And that only behind that frame is the truth. Framing itself isn’t inherently good or bad, it’s just the nature of language and people. He gave the example of the Asian Disease Problem. To read a brief overview click here. http://www.lionhacks.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/brian-sharp.jpg This is an interesting study because it shows how people prefer a sure gain over a gamble yet prefer a gamble over a sure loss. Even though the true outcomes are the same. The insight is that frames can distort our view of an issue and that there is no such thing as an unframed problem. People are frame bound, not reality bound. And we need to make sure that whenever we hear something we also hear it’s frame. He then went on to talk about how to use frames in collaborative and hierarchical work environments which was very interesting. But the most insightful pieces I believe was when he began talking about caring for others. How many times in office environments, managers might say they care about “you”, when what they actually care about (as spoken through their actions) is your “work result” or to “make you happy enough so that you don’t quit”. Having run my own company, it is sad to say that I fell into this trap too. And no matter what great the incentives or compensation you offer, if it shines through that your true care is the work result, your team will not only lose motivation, they will also lose faith in you as their leader. To be a great manager and to show that you truly care for your team as people, you can’t always be in a work frame. If all you talk to them about is work, you won’t truly know them as people. Here is a brief transcript of the second half of his speech. As I said in the start, it is pure gold:

Communication is a craft like any other. But unlike other crafts, it’s one of few mediums where we are inherently shaping and refining each other. Communication teaches us the true nature of people. And when people use words for bad, we should not feel contempt, but rather compassion. I think it’s easy to feel anger and contempt for these people. And we when we have to work directly with them we can feel threatened, we can feel upset. But perhaps we should instead feel compassion. When we learn a craft, every moment of that learning is an opportunity to open our eyes to great beauty. When I was a child and I didn’t know anything about woodworking; I looked at a peace of furniture and all I saw was the utility. This one’s for holding books, that one is for holding clothes. Practicing woodworking opened my eyes, now I see the utility but also the care and the craftsmanship. The beauty of the wood itself and even a little bit of camaraderie for the person who made it thinking that this section must have been really difficult. Or admiring the quality of a specific joint. That appreciation, that ability to encounter something and see not just the outer surface of the thing, but also the time and love and care that it’s made of. That, is our sensitivity to all of the beauty and joy and love in the world. There is one catch, our practice will teach us nothing unless we bring our attention to those moments. We have to be willing to see. We have to let the experience change us. If we practice carelessly then our eyes remain closed. And so while it’s frustrating to see a communicator who uses his words for harm or to climb ladders or earn a bonus at someone else’s expense; when my mind is open I look at a person like that and it breaks my heart. To have such skill with words. He must have practiced for so long. And the whole time he had such opportunity.  To see the beauty in it. To see the beauty in himself. And the joy in relationships, but he didn’t. You can’t explain those kinds of things to someone who doesn’t see, it’s like trying to explain color to someone who is blind from birth. So he doesn’t even know what he is missing. He thinks the goal is acquisition.  Tries to fill life with material wealth because that’s all he knows. If you find yourself working with someone like this I might humbly suggest a little meditation to develop compassion. It goes like this. When we do not know happiness and we try to fill it’s void with pleasure, we suffer. Communication and the study of human interaction is a craft that opens our eyes. What exactly does it open our eyes to? Well just like woodworking taught me deeply the nature of the wood, communication teaches us the true nature of people and the more we know something the genuinely we are able to love it. At the end of the day I think some of our aversion to this analysis is that subconsciously part of us doesn’t want to see our true nature. We don’t like the idea that we can be manipulated. And that someone else can trick us with the simple wording of a question. We want to believe that our preferences are rational and well considered. And that our behavior is governed by reason. But these things are not true. And believing them does us no more good than it would a woodworker to pretend that wood cannot burn or cannot be broken. We are creatures you and I and these are our vulnerabilities. We are afraid of vulnerability but it is the truth of our nature and only when we acknowledge it can we truly love each other. The more we practice, the more we start to see how much of our interaction with each other are these ways of staying safe. They are nothing but boiler plate, habit, neurosis. Polite strategies for saying the right things but keeping our distance. The power of this work is that seeing gives us a choice. We can choose not to respond with a boiler plate. We can choose to respond with sincerity. We can choose connection. And that’s why I believe so strongly in the value of this work. And if something I’ve said this afternoon was helpful to you, thank you very much for listening.